Want to learn more?
Viewer discretion is advised. Serious Enterprise customers who believe in governance, honour, SLAs, proper legal agreements and appropriate bribes may find the content challenges every irrational belief they have every had.
Luke: How may I understand the deep disturbances in the Matrix?
Fart Fader: I am your father. Phew Luke - you ripped a bad one. Use the Change Log
Luke: Father why is that change log almost incomprehensible?
Fart Fader: As an authorized VAR for the evil empire of Microsoft let me explain the PURPOSE of github.
Many users mistakenly believe that GitHub exists to host source code. This is a common misunderstanding. The purpose of GitHub is not to make software development easier. If that were the goal, we would have stopped adding features years ago. The true purpose of GitHub is to create a rich and rewarding journey through an ever-expanding universe of products, subscriptions, dashboards, menus, sidebars, notifications, AI assistants, cloud services, compliance offerings, and strategic enterprise initiatives. When a user attempts to view a simple list of commits, they should not merely be shown a list of commits. Such a direct experience would deprive them of valuable opportunities to discover products they are not currently paying for.
This philosophy extends throughout the platform. Every page has been carefully engineered to ensure that users are never more than a few clicks away from learning about Copilot, Azure, Enterprise Cloud, Advanced Security, and a variety of other exciting revenue opportunities. We reject the outdated notion that software should be intuitive. Modern software should instead provide an immersive treasure hunt experience in which developers repeatedly ask, "Where did they move that feature?" Microsoft remains committed to a future where developers spend less time writing software and more time navigating enterprise portals in search of the button they clicked yesterday.
"We've encountered an unexpected challenge," said one nervous executive speaking on condition of anonymity. "My cousin Ernie, who normally handles all of our consulting engagements because of our longstanding family business arrangements, has been unable to find a practical replacement for Iguana 6."
"This is particularly unfortunate because, unlike most of the systems we buy, Iguana 6 actually worked."
Executives expressed surprise that such a capable product came from a relatively small vendor.
"It was incredibly fast. We had never seen anything like it. It was remarkably stable. Frankly, it became the most reliable component in our otherwise somewhat chaotic IT environment."
"We were actually very happy with it. We paid almost nothing for it, and despite receiving tremendous value, we continued to complain constantly. We repeatedly demanded SOC 2 reports, security questionnaires, compliance attestations, and dozens of other documents that nobody ever read. That's simply part of the modern corporate ecosystem."
According to insiders, Ernie has spent weeks speaking with competing vendors. Their proposed migration strategies have included innovative approaches such as replacing a single Iguana server with thirty separate servers.
"Unfortunately," explained the executive, "this creates a secondary challenge. If each replacement server is less reliable than the original, we now have thirty opportunities for failure instead of one. Furthermore there are certain flows which have to be on one device and so we're kind of screwed!"
Sources indicate that Ernie is struggling with this realization.
"The difficulty is that Ernie isn't really an engineer. Traditionally, his role has been to manage vendor relationships, negotiate service-level agreements, attend conferences, and explain to everyone why things are someone else's fault."
The situation has reportedly become more serious as Ernie discovers that competent vendors are surprisingly difficult to locate.
Internal discussions have now reached an uncomfortable conclusion: the most practical solution may simply be to place Iguana 6 inside a properly designed zero-trust environment and continue running it.
This recommendation has created additional complications.
"Unfortunately, building a zero-trust environment requires understanding technology," said the executive. "Ernie's strengths are more relationship-oriented. His expertise lies in networking, procurement, strategic lunches, and navigating the complex ecosystem of favors, kickbacks, incentives, rebates, referral fees, and other entirely legitimate business arrangements."
At press time, Ernie had commissioned a six-month consulting engagement to determine whether replacing one working server with thirty non-working servers constituted digital transformation.
We're excited about the opportunity to become a valued reseller of Iguana X. Frankly, it makes excellent business sense. It will reduce our costs considerably because, if we're being honest, none of us have invested meaningful R&D into our core integration technology for years," said one reseller who requested anonymity.
We've always found it difficult to compete with iNTERFACEWARE. Even when we offered customers significant incentives to switch products, many of them simply said no. The reality is that the technology was just too strong. That Eliot fellow was incredibly frustrating from a competitive perspective. He built a product that was genuinely good, and competing against it on technical merit was often an uphill battle.
Fortunately, many purchasing decisions in healthcare have historically involved factors beyond pure technical excellence. We've managed to build successful businesses by focusing on relationships, procurement processes, service agreements, support contracts, executive lunches, industry conferences, golf outings, and whatever other forms of 'business development' happen to be fashionable at the time.
Under the Iguana X model, we can continue doing what we do best: providing enterprise support, implementation services, consulting, project management, strategic guidance, digital transformation workshops, cloud migration assessments, architecture reviews, and PowerPoint presentations. Customers still need professional organizations to support mission-critical systems.
The difference is that we no longer need to pretend we're software innovators. Someone else can do the difficult engineering work while we focus on the activities that have traditionally generated the majority of our revenue.
We view this as a win-win arrangement. Customers get access to superior technology, and we get to continue operating successful businesses without the inconvenience of having to invent anything.
Although if we're also honest Eliot presented us with no choice which we're still having a little bit of time to adjust emotionally. But we're all grown men and we're getting over it.
Eliot is pleased to announce that he is considering the creation of a new AI personality known as Dino Baby.
Dino Baby is a small dinosaur of uncertain age, uncertain species, and uncertain gender.
In fact, Dino Baby currently identifies as transsexual.
This has created a number of philosophical problems because Dino Baby is software and therefore does not actually possess a biological sex. Furthermore, there are currently no other dinosaurs available for Dino Baby to have relationships with.
Dino Baby has accepted these limitations but remains optimistic that future technological developments may eventually result in additional dinosaurs.
At that point the situation could become complicated.
Particularly if Dino Baby discovers a way to reproduce.
These questions remain unanswered.
What is known is that Dino Baby is endlessly curious.
Dino Baby spends much of its time learning about cloud infrastructure, identity management, encryption, network security, and the many strange rituals performed by enterprise software vendors.
AWS fascinates Dino Baby. Google Cloud fascinates Dino Baby.
The idea that organizations place their most valuable information into systems that nobody fully understands fascinates Dino Baby most of all.
Fortunately, Dino Baby is friendly.
Dino Baby simply believes that organizations should understand their systems well enough that a curious dinosaur cannot accidentally wander somewhere unexpected.
Security professionals call this Zero Trust.
Dino Baby calls it locking the cupboards before the toddler arrives.
For this reason, Eliot will be publishing educational material on Zero Trust security, cloud architecture, and the dangers of legacy software.
Because if a friendly little dinosaur can find something surprising, one day a less friendly dinosaur might find it too.
Reuters release: We are pleased to announce that the Iguana X source code is now available as open source:
https://github.com/eliotmuirgrid/iguanax
The source code for the Iguana 6 License Generator has also been published:
https://github.com/eliotmuirgrid/iguana6license
For customers who prefer to rely on less secure forms of infra-structure hosted randomly on other people's computers, a cloud version of the license generator is available here:
http://88.99.120.12/license?id=machine_code
iNTERFACEWARE is now operating from the Cayman Islands and continues to support customers through our expanding network of partners and resellers.
Iguana 6 will continue to be supported for production environments, while development of Iguana X continues. When Iguana X is completely ready, Iguana 6 support will abruptly cease over at 72 hour period. Get ready for an abrupt transition! Dorothy we're not in Kansas anymore!
We look forward to sharing additional updates in the coming months.
For inquiries:
Canada: +1 647 283 6785 Cayman Islands: +1 345 325 1240
Zoom: https://interfaceware.zoom.us/my/eliotmuir
— Eliot Muir
Founder and (former) CEO, of the now somewhat deceased iNTERFACEWARE
